Amanda Sobhy, a name synonymous with American squash excellence, has revealed the profound personal battle she waged for years against an eating disorder. While her dominance on the court has been well-documented – including a historic career-high world ranking of #3, multiple U.S. National Championships, and Olympic aspirations – her fight against bulimia remained a closely guarded secret, a silent adversary that threatened to undermine her athletic achievements and personal well-being. Sobhy’s courageous decision to share her journey, particularly in the context of National Eating Disorders Awareness Week, highlights the often-hidden struggles faced by high-achieving individuals and underscores the critical role of accessible support systems.
For years, shame and a deep-seated denial prevented Sobhy from seeking formal treatment for her eating disorder. During her collegiate years at Harvard University, where she achieved an unprecedented 62-0 record and led the Crimson to three national championships, and into the nascent stages of her professional career, the stigma associated with mental health challenges, particularly eating disorders, kept her silent. The very act of seeking specialized help would have necessitated an acknowledgment of the severity of her condition, a truth she was not yet prepared to confront. This internal resistance, coupled with the demands of a high-stakes athletic career, meant that her struggle was internalized, carried like an “invisible weight shackled to my ankle.” This secret was meticulously hidden from her family, friends, coaches, college teammates, and later, her professional peers on the grueling Professional Squash Association (PSA) tour.
The turning point arrived in the fall of 2018. The severity of her binge-purge cycle, particularly following tournaments, reached a critical juncture, leaving her contemplating the unsustainability of her current existence. In a desperate bid for help, she consulted a therapist specializing in eating disorders. However, this crucial support proved fleeting. Due to limitations in her insurance coverage and the prohibitive out-of-pocket costs, the therapeutic engagement was confined to a single introductory session. This experience, while not leading to immediate formal treatment, served as a catalyst, initiating a long and non-linear path toward recovery that spanned from 2015 until she publicly disclosed her story in 2021.
Sobhy’s recovery was not a singular event but a gradual process forged through a combination of mindfulness-based interventions, extensive personal experimentation, invaluable lived experience, and the dedicated support of two key professionals: holistic sports psychologist Amy Gross and sports dietitian Nyree Dardarian. While their work was integrated into her squash coaching framework and not explicitly labeled as formal eating disorder treatment, their guidance directly addressed the psychological and nutritional patterns fueling her destructive binge-purge cycle.
The Transformative Power of Mindfulness and Sports Psychology
Sobhy’s collaboration with Amy Gross began in 2015, coinciding with her transition to full-time professional squash. Gross adopted a holistic approach, recognizing that optimal performance on the court was inextricably linked to her athlete’s mental and emotional well-being off the court. This perspective extended to addressing the internal landscape of her mind.
Together, they delved into the core traits that characterized Sobhy’s internal world: an ingrained perfectionism, an "all-or-nothing" mindset, a relentlessly harsh inner critic, limited emotional regulation capabilities, and underdeveloped coping mechanisms. Gross’s astute observations quickly identified Sobhy’s coping patterns, particularly in the aftermath of losses, periods of burnout, emotional dysregulation, or challenging days.
Crucially, Gross cultivated a safe and non-judgmental environment, which gradually empowered Sobhy to articulate her deepest struggles. It was within this supportive space that she first vocalized her battle with binging and purging. This disclosure, made even while still grappling with denial about the classification of her condition as a formal eating disorder due to her continued high-functioning athletic performance, marked a significant step. From this foundation, they began to systematically address these patterns through mindfulness-based interventions.
These interventions encompassed learning to cultivate present-moment awareness, practicing non-judgmental observation of thoughts and feelings, engaging in meditation, identifying and implementing healthier coping strategies when faced with triggers, and, most importantly, creating a conscious "space" between her thoughts and her subsequent actions. For years, Sobhy’s binge-purge cycle had operated on an almost automatic, "autopilot" mode. Mindfulness proved to be a powerful tool for disrupting this ingrained loop.
Sobhy began to notice the nascent urges rather than being completely overwhelmed by them. This heightened awareness provided a critical pause, an opportunity to engage in alternative behaviors such as taking a walk, practicing breathwork, journaling, meditating, or reflecting on the negative repercussions of a binge. This conscious interruption allowed her to begin making choices with her future self in mind, a stark contrast to the impulsive nature of her previous behaviors.
This transformation was not instantaneous. Relapses were a recurring aspect of her recovery journey. However, with each setback, the debilitating weight of shame and self-loathing gradually diminished. Judgment began to yield to self-compassion, and feelings of guilt and disgust were progressively replaced by acceptance, kindness, and the reassuring understanding that she was still progressing. A pivotal aspect of her recovery involved dismantling her perfectionist, all-or-nothing mindset. She learned to decouple her self-worth from outcomes, recognizing that a single bad day, a lost match, or an imperfect training session did not define her as a person or signify an entire day’s failure. The ability to tolerate imperfection and embrace her humanity became a cornerstone of her healing process.
Rebuilding a Healthy Relationship with Food
Nyree Dardarian, a sports dietitian, played another instrumental role in Sobhy’s recovery, commencing their work together in the fall of 2017 as Sobhy was navigating her first Achilles rupture. At this juncture, her relationship with food remained deeply disordered.
The act of trusting Dardarian and being forthright about her lack of control around food was an immense challenge, steeped in fear. However, Sobhy recognized that professional guidance was essential for her return to high-level competition. Dardarian’s approach extended beyond simply optimizing fueling for athletic performance; she guided Sobhy in relearning how to enjoy food.
A key strategy they implemented was the creation of a weekly "life calendar." This comprehensive planning tool integrated training sessions, tournaments, travel days, social engagements, and recovery periods. Based on this framework, they meticulously planned meals that not only supported Sobhy’s performance but also seamlessly integrated into the realities of her demanding lifestyle.
The fundamental difference was the shift towards meals that Sobhy genuinely enjoyed and anticipated, rather than those dictated by restriction and fear. Their focus was on simple, sustainable, and flexible dietary choices. During international tournaments, often involving stays in hotels in locations like Egypt or Malaysia, Sobhy would share restaurant menus with Dardarian, who would then provide guidance on food choices in a supportive, non-overwhelming manner.
They also established a simple yet reliable pre-match meal: a peanut butter, banana, and honey sandwich, a ritual that continues to be a part of her match preparation. Over the years, Dardarian equipped Sobhy with a nuanced understanding of sports nutrition, strategies for navigating social eating situations, and the intentional inclusion of dessert post-tournaments, enabling her to savor these treats without resorting to private binges. Dardarian’s philosophy was diametrically opposed to diet culture; there were no forbidden foods, no "cheat days," and no categorization of foods as inherently "good" or "bad." Her emphasis was consistently placed on connection, enjoyment, and the communal experience of shared meals.
While their intensive collaboration has evolved, Sobhy continues to utilize the structural principles of the life calendar and the tools Dardarian provided. One of the most profound changes in her life is her current enjoyment of exploring food with friends during tournaments, an experience that was unimaginable for her in 2017.
Finding Freedom Through Public Disclosure
The final, crucial element of Sobhy’s recovery manifested in the summer of 2021. A quiet but persistent inner voice signaled her readiness to share her story publicly. Having accumulated a robust toolkit of coping mechanisms and diligently engaged in the recovery process, she finally felt liberated from the binge-purge cycle that had for so long dictated her life.
To commemorate this significant milestone, Sobhy got an ankle tattoo: a bird with the word "free" inscribed beside it. This imagery served as a powerful symbol of her release from the immense burden she had carried for over a decade.
Her decision to share her narrative was not merely an act of reclaiming personal power; it was also a profound expression of her desire for connection and a yearning to finally feel seen. Sobhy recognized that countless others were silently enduring similar battles and did not want anyone to experience the profound sense of isolation she had once known. She believed that if her story could resonate with even one individual, offering them a sense of being seen, understood, or emboldened to take the initial step toward recovery, it would be an endeavor of immense value.
For a considerable period, Sobhy grappled with self-doubt regarding the "validity" of her eating disorder. She had never received a formal diagnosis, had not completed structured treatment, and had consistently maintained a high level of athletic performance. These factors led her to minimize her own experience. However, she now unequivocally understands the fallacy of this perception.
Eating disorders, she emphasizes, do not conform to a singular appearance or narrative. As highlighted by National Eating Disorders Awareness Week and its theme, "Every Body Belongs," these illnesses are indiscriminate. They can affect highly disciplined, outwardly successful athletes who operate at peak performance. They can impact individuals who never engage in formal treatment, who are inhibited by fear or shame from seeking help, and who suffer in silence for years. These disorders transcend all communities, backgrounds, and identities. There is no monolithic experience of an eating disorder.
In the spirit of National Eating Disorders Awareness Week and its powerful message that "Every Body Belongs," Sobhy shares her story with the earnest hope that more individuals will feel seen, worthy of support, and empowered to seek help exactly as they are. This act of public vulnerability remains one of her proudest achievements, a testament to the reality that healing is attainable, that vulnerability is a profound source of strength, and that no one is ever truly alone in their struggles.
Broader Implications and Resources
Amanda Sobhy’s story offers a crucial lens through which to view the complexities of eating disorders, particularly within the high-pressure world of elite athletics. Her journey underscores the fact that visible success on the field does not preclude internal suffering. The financial and systemic barriers to accessing specialized mental health care, as experienced by Sobhy, highlight an urgent need for greater insurance parity and affordability for eating disorder treatment. The success of her non-traditional recovery path, facilitated by professionals outside of formal treatment settings, also points to the potential of integrated care models that address the multifaceted needs of athletes.
The increasing openness of prominent figures like Sobhy is instrumental in dismantling the stigma surrounding mental health and eating disorders. By sharing her experiences, she contributes to a broader cultural shift that encourages empathy, understanding, and proactive help-seeking behavior. Her emphasis on the "Every Body Belongs" theme is particularly resonant, challenging the often-narrow stereotypes associated with eating disorders and reinforcing that these illnesses can affect anyone, regardless of background, identity, or outward appearance.
The implications of Sobhy’s testimony extend to athletic organizations, coaches, and support staff, urging them to prioritize mental health awareness and provide comprehensive resources for athletes. The integration of sports psychologists and registered dietitians with expertise in eating disorders within athletic programs is paramount. Furthermore, Sobhy’s personal advocacy through her board memberships and ambassador roles signifies a commitment to systemic change within the sport.
For individuals struggling with similar challenges, Sobhy’s narrative serves as a beacon of hope, demonstrating that recovery is possible and that seeking support, even in unconventional ways, can lead to profound healing. Her journey underscores the importance of self-compassion, patience, and perseverance in the face of adversity.
Resources for Eating Disorder Support:
For those seeking information or support regarding eating disorders, the following resources are invaluable:
- National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA): NEDA offers a helpline, online resources, and support groups for individuals and families affected by eating disorders. Their website provides comprehensive information on various eating disorder types, treatment options, and advocacy efforts.
- National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders (ANAD): ANAD provides a helpline, support groups, and educational materials for those affected by eating disorders.
- The Jed Foundation: While focused on mental health for teens and young adults, The Jed Foundation offers resources and support that can be relevant to individuals experiencing mental health challenges, including those related to eating disorders.
- The Trevor Project: For LGBTQ young people, The Trevor Project offers crisis intervention and suicide prevention services, which can be a critical resource for individuals facing co-occurring mental health issues.
Amanda Sobhy’s courageous decision to share her story is a powerful reminder that the battles fought off the court can be just as demanding as those on it. Her journey of healing, fueled by mindfulness, expert guidance, and the eventual embrace of vulnerability, offers a profound testament to resilience and the transformative power of speaking one’s truth.